Rebuilding a Life
by Kou Hikari
Summary: A 'what if' Seiya and Usagi fic that takes place just after Sailorstars... what if Galaxia had not returned the starseeds? What would happen?
1. Prologue

Hi everyone! This is not my first attempt at fanfiction, but it is my first Seiya and Usagi story (I've been meaning to write this for a long time now.) Umm, it's not very long yet, but hopefully I will find time to add on to it soon. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy it.  
  
Rebuilding a Life  
  
Princess Serenity had been perfect.  
  
She was the epitome of perfection-- the daughter of the moon goddess, the beloved princess of the Silver Millennium. Regal in life, even her death had been graceful, all things considered. All in all, the ultimate woman, one that anyone could aspire to be like.  
  
I--Tsukino Usagi-- am not perfect.  
  
I am a self-described crybaby. Clumsy, rash, tardy and decidedly anything but regal or royal, living up to my former life as the Tsuki no Princess is nearly impossible for me. Serenity hadn't made mistakes; however, I have made many. And now I realize that I have made the greatest mistake of my life. That is, believing that Mamo-chan and the others would come back.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Galaxia had said, choking on her sobs after I freed her from the influence of Chaos. "I can't-- the starseeds... I can't bring back the sailor senshi! It's impossible..."  
  
I heard Galaxia speak the words, but didn't fathom their meaning right away. They hadn't sunk in until at least a few minutes later. And then, the full impact hit me like an explosion.  
  
I could only manage to point a trembling finger at Sailor Starfighter, who was looking equally shocked, her features full of an unwillingness to accept this heart-wrenching turn of events.  
  
"You lied," I said to her shakily, hot tears pouring down my cheeks.  
  
"What?" Fighter breathed, not comprehending.  
  
"You lied," I repeated. "You told me that if I believed, nobody was truly gone. I believed. My faith was stronger than you can imagine. But you were wrong! Rei-chan, Ami-chan, Mako-chan, Minako-chan. They're never coming back. Haruka-san, Michiru-san, Setsuna-san, Hotaru-chan. I'll never see them again, never. Mamo-chan... Mamo-chan is gone forever!" I sobbed, unable to stop myself from screaming the words in pain. "I had nothing to believe in! You lied!"  
  
When I said that, I knew that Fighter--and Healer and Maker, for that matter-- were probably in just as much despair as I was. The Starlights had lost their Princess forever, and lost with her all hope of rebuilding their world. They had nothing left. But then again, neither did I. And it was all because I had made the dire error of believing. I wanted to die, I wished I were dead. And it was all Fighter's fault.  
  
Yes, all Fighter's fault. There I was, nude, vulnerable, and crying so hard that I was sure that my tears would dry out. And she... she, despite the harsh words I had flung at her, just held me with strong, reassuring arms. 


	2. Part One: Picking up the Pieces

Part One:  
  
Picking up the Pieces  
  
Usagi--Journal Entry One  
  
Mamo-chan has ceased to exist. He's gone, and the future that fate dictated that we were to have together has literally been erased. To be capable of admitting that to myself... is a big step for me. Really.  
  
These past weeks have been incredibly difficult. The memory of Galaxia's attack and the terror of the battle seems to have been cleared from the minds of everyone in Tokyo. And this alone is taking its toll on me, being on of the few that actually remember what happened. My parents and Shingo are worried about me, I know it. They've seen the way I mope around the house and lock myself in my room when I'm home. Which is not often. I have school, of course, but I've been spending more and more time with Taiki, Yaten, and Seiya--really and truly, they are the only ones on this planet who can comprehend the sheer loss that I feel. Anyway, I feel terrible when I catch the worried expressions that cross my mother's face when she thinks that I'm not looking. I want to tell her everything, to collapse into her arms and hear her words of reassurance, telling me not to feel sad and that everything will work out in the end. But how can I explain how I feel to her? She doesn't understand, she couldn't possibly understand, even if she wanted to. The memories of Mamoru have escaped her, have escaped everyone. I think that I'm the only one that remembers him at all... what he looked like, what he wore, the emotions we shared. That thought alone is painful. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Mamo-chan never existed.  
  
The exact same goes for my best friends. Hino Rei, Aino Minako, Kino Makoto, Mizuno Ami. Those names are meaningless to everyone but Seiya, Taiki, Yaten, and myself. Those four... they were my inspiration, my safety net. They were everything anyone could ask for. I didn't deserve them. I should've been the one that disappeared. God, this is all my fault... Setsuna and Hotaru, too. They died at the hands of those they trusted the most, never to know that it all was a front, a desperate plan to foil Galaxia. Haruka and Michiru... I hope that they're together, wherever they are. It's difficult to imagine one without the other, and I think that spending eternity apart would be hell enough for both of them. And they don't deserve hell, not for going to such lengths to save me and our world.  
  
So many thoughts keep on coming to mind, threatening to spill out into an incomprehensible mess of words on this piece of paper. The future... the future as I have shown it is... just not there anymore. Chibiusa, undoubtedly, disappeared in the same instant as her future father. But why her? Why?  
  
'Why' is just the insatiable question here. Why? I can ask it all I want, and the answer will probably never come to me.  
  
It's so hard to work through these emotions rationally. Emotion and rationality simply do not go together, period. And I'm not exactly a rational person in the first place. I need to get these feelings out of me somehow, or I'll explode. This journal writing is the only way I can express how I feel without hurting somebody or myself in the process.  
  
Speaking of hurting somebody... I feel awful, for what I said to Fighter. It wasn't right, to pin everything on her. I think she should've slapped my when I said that-actually, I wish she had. I've apologized over and over to Seiya, and each time he tells me that it's okay, that he understood perfectly why I'd said it. Because there was some truth behind those words, however hurtful and born of pain they were.  
  
  
  
  
  
This chapter is still in progress. gomen, I will TRY to get the rest of it done soon ^^;; 


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